On A Wing And A Prayer

I have talked a lot recently about changes that are going on in my life and also around me. In a strange way I see my life being mirrored in the changes that have been happening in the Owl Box. Right now, sweet little Wesley (my undisputed favorite) is the last owl standing, as it were, in the Owl Box. After a delayed start, Austin left yesterday. I suppose he is now hanging out with his sisters Max and Patti in Carlos' big palm tree. I have watched them, from squirmy little pink things being kept warm under Molly (and in Wesley's case, I saw her hatch!), to fuzzy little independent beings, to fully grown owls learning to flap, fly and pounce on their prey.

If you read articles in magazines about change, it will almost inevitably say that change can be stressful, even those positive life changes that happen, like marriage and buying a house. In my case I have the double whammy this year of graduating and starting to look for a house. And, in fact, if I pass my courses this semester, I am able to leave university early, even though my grad ceremony will be the same time as it would have been had I had to do another semester of courses.

It's possible that I find everything overwhelming right now because I never thought I would achieve any of this. Depression has a way of making you think and feel that. I have spent many years after high school, just trying to exist, not really living life, thinking that because I had depression I didn't have a chance to live a good life and didn't dare dream for anything better than what I had. But once I found a good doctor, learned to take care of my symptoms through a healthy diet and regular exercise, and also learned how to harness cognitive behavioral therapy, things changed. And graduating shows that I have changed. Despite having regular bouts of depression, I've still managed a good GPA, I have an A- average (wish it were an A average, lol). So perhaps I am stressed because I am getting exactly what I thought I would never get.

I was beaten down all through school by bullies who told me that I was weird and a loser. And I believed it. When I was diagnosed with depression, the depression led me to believe it too. I know that these changes are scary, but they are a progression. I have worked towards these things and now they are coming to fruition. So it will soon be time to celebrate!

I guess what I really want to say, if I get to the heart of it, is that if you have a mental illness, it is possible to achieve a healthy, happy life. Having a mental illness doesn't make you defective. Look at bipolar disorder- if you read up about it, quite often you will learn that some of the most brilliant people in the world, the most creative minds and artistic spirits have bipolar disorder. It is possible to reap the whirlwind. It IS possible to live a good life, manage those ups and downs, manage your symptoms. Heck, I've had a bout of depression recently and still managed to complete my courses to a good standard! And most importantly, there is HOPE. And hope is the most precious jewel you can have.